Thursday, November 11, 2010

Spam and Pop Tarts

A while back I described my anti-bucket list including two of the places anyone would be least likely to find me being any Disney park (apologies to my friend Chickie) or viewing the movie Titanic.  Now the news has provided me with a new non-destination that absolutely completely tops my list:  a cruise ship.

Imagine, if you will, cramming a small town of 5,000 strangers into a floating monstrosity and put it out on the cold deep ocean.  Bad enough, right?  But now take away their electricity so there is no light, no air conditioning, no hot water, no hot food. Free booze, though.  Great for a bunch of drunks in the dark.  Fun?  Wow! The military has to send helicopters with emergency food (the delightful aforementioned Spam and Pop Tarts.)  Egad.  What could possibly be worse?

I am composing this entry in my mind as I drive home this evening, after hearing the news story on CBC radio.  I arrive home to see a madly blinking light on my answering machine.  Oh goodie!  Messages.

Well, it turns out I have three detailed messages for a person named "Monica."  Monica and her husband and child have been confirmed in their reservation on the ninth deck of a Holland America cruise ship.  YIKES!

So I called the 800 number and left a message for this earnest employee, Lily, and told her my name was not Monica and that all afternoon she had just been leaving all of these messages on a wrong number.  

I was polite and refrained from telling her that she could not put me on the ninth deck of a cruise ship if she offered to pay me.  No matter how much Spam and Pop Tarts they were planning to serve.

Bon voyage, Monica!