Saturday, June 26, 2010

My Anti-Bucket List (Plus My Bonus Bucket List)

I saw this idea somewhere on the Internets and although these “meme” kinds of things usually fall into my “meh” category – I thought this one was pretty cool.  It is my baker’s dozen list of things I have absolutely no interest in ever attending, watching, reading, listening to or doing (in no particular order of dislike). 

1.    Going to any theme park, Disney in particular.  I will watch the old Disney flicks from my childhood and cry at those scenes in Lady and the Tramp and Bambi, but that is about as Disney as I get.  No t-shirts with Mickey or Pluto or Goofy, no mouse ears – I will, however, continue to make my own small worlds.  Speaking of theme parks, I have no desire to ride on a rollercoaster or any amusement park ride scarier than a carrousel.  (I love carrousels.  Pretty horses!)  I could also add Las Vegas here – it is kind of like a theme park, right?  Not for me!
2.    Watching movies like Titanic, the Star Wars prequels (Jar-Jar Binks?  I rest my case.).  Not finding myself drawn to Avatar (to quote Paula Poundstone, “Wide nose bridges exhaust me.”)  I would rather rewatch the movies I know I like.  Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Last Picture Show, Emmett Otter’s Jugband Christmas, The Black Stallion.  Speaking of Titanic, I hope I can make it through the rest of my life without ever again having to hear Celine Dion sing.  Or see her on television.  Or look at a picture of her.
3.    I have no desire to climb aboard an airplane and fly anywhere.  I don’t even want to have to go inside an airport – I’ll just drop you off, OK?  Back in the sixties I rode in several flying machines, including commercial jets, a bush plane and a helicopter.  That’s enough for me – yeah, they all look like ants, don’t they?    Oooh, pretty clouds.  Yup.  If I want to approximate that aerial feeling let me re-read Richard Bach’s Stranger to the Ground.  That will get me close enough to flying and it is a whole lot quieter!
4.    Never had a manicure or a pedicure – never will.  Zero interest in this.
5.    I have lost the desire to attend any more mega-concerts.  Yes, I know, back in my "yute" I was at the real Woodstock, but the idea of massive crowds freaks me out now.  Last huge concert I attended was Bowie at the Niagara Falls Convention Center (in the eighties?) and I walked out during his first song.  I couldn’t breathe.
6.    Anything involving being on or in water.  Going on a cruise has never ever appealed to me, I have never learned to swim and probably never will, even hot tubs give me the willies.  Germs!  Yuck.  Bathing suits!  Double yuck.  Water over my head.  HELP!!!
7.    I have to admit I will probably never finish slogging my way through John Galt’s fifty four page speech in Atlas Shrugged.  I have no desire to read Ulysses or anything by Sylvia Plath, Dostoevsky or Hemingway.  I will keep re-reading Thurber’s The Night the Bed Fell and all of the poems by ee cummings and my favorite science fiction.
8.    You will never find me at a tanning parlor.
9.    I think it is a pretty safe bet that I can make it through my entire life without ever drinking a cup of coffee, developing an appreciation for the taste of alcohol, or eating another hot dog.  Starbucks?  What’s that?
10.    I can also very safely say that I will never get another tattoo.  I can enjoy someone’s beautiful ink job but one is enough for me - the pain! The pain!
11.    You won’t find me attending any future sporting events.  I went to an Army/Navy game once (beautiful mules), saw The French Connection at the Aud,  went to a motocross (LOUD!), saw my dad’s curling team (gosh it was cold in that arena!) and went to a few wrestling  events to see Ric Flair and Rowdy Roddy Piper - that’s enough sporting events for this lifetime.
12.    Karaoke?  Good lord NO!
13.    I cannot recall ever dining alone at a restaurant of any type.  I have ordered take-out and picked it up, and taken advantage of the occasional drive-through, but I have never actually stayed to eat when I am by myself (Roy Roger's at the rest stops on the New York State Thruway don't count).

My Bonus Bucket List

 I suppose for every anti-bucket list one should have a bucket list.  On and off through the years I have kept a short list of things I would like to try or learn or try to learn in this lifetime.  Juggling and dancing used to be on this list.  They both got crossed off (untried) many years ago!  I used to want to go to Lilydale – I am no longer interested in that – it sounds too commercial these days, sort of like a psychic galleria.

Exploring the pyramids (Egyptian or Mayan), experiencing the solstice at Stonehenge or seeing Chichen Itza shining in the jungle dawn,  floating weightlessness in near earth orbit, summiting Everest, rafting down the Colorado – I’ll have to save these adventures for a future lifetime.  Mayhap next time I will dive the Great Barrier Reef (if the coral still exists), catch a wave at Waikiki (if the ocean is not filled with tar balls and plastic detritus), photograph translucent icebergs in the Arctic (if the ice still exists), perhaps find a nice crystal cave for a little spelunking (no, not really – it will take more than my allotted number of lifetimes to embrace spelunking).

My bucket list is quite modest these days.  Mostly things I have been meaning to do for quite some time now.  I can only come up with ten items.

1.    Spend a couple of days at the Corning Glass Museum.  I have been threatening to do that since the sixties.
2.    Tour the Darwin Martin House. It is within walking distance from my shop, for cryin’ out loud!
3.    Talk a stroll out along the breakwall on a nice sunny day when there is not a lot of wind.  I drive by it every day and it has always intrigued me (except for the fear that maybe I might accidentally fall in the water and drown).
4.     Walk over the Peace Bridge.   I once walked over the Rainbow Bridge (which makes me sound like a deceased cat or dog, doesn’t it?) – and it was a truly wondrous experience at the Falls.
5.    Go to Niagara Falls at least twice a year, once in Summer when there are tourists and once in Winter when there are no tourists.
6.    Learn to do tai chi and then actually do it regularly.  Afterwards enjoy a nice cuppa chai tea. (Seems like they should go together, tai chi and chai tea.)
7.    Learn to play the ukulele.  After having abandoned clarinet, piano, guitar, banjo, dulcimer and doumbek, surely I could learn to play the uke?
8.    Take the train across Canada (while it still exists) (the train, that it – I am sure Canada will exist for a very long time).
9.    Learn to do what I want to do in Photoshop without swearing at it so much.
10.     I have given up on ever “finishing” my house, or taming my yard but someday I would hope to be able to declare that I am organized.  If only for a brief interval – ahhhh that would be nice!  This way, if I end up with a tombstone, they can carve on it, “Once, she was organized.”