Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Return of Blessed Lumber

As I was puttering around this afternoon in the alley behind my shop, I found a frozen T-shirt knotted up on the ground underneath my clothesline.  I can never bear to see something go to waste so I rescued the shirt, thinking if nothing else it would make a great cleaning cloth for glass.

The shirt was frozen solid but an interesting multi-colored repetitive pattern was visible – some sort of a crest with four skulls in the middle, a crown on the top, crossed swords, rampant lions – the usual fare for a crest.  Around the outside of the top of the crest are the words “Loyalty, Virtue, Nobility” – then the words “and from such” and on the bottom of each crest what I thought were the words “Blessed Lumber Returns.”  The shirt was frozen but as it thawed more of the pattern was revealed.

“Blessed Lumber Returns” – I thought I had found some rare T-shirt from an odd cult of lumberjacks or possibly woodworkers – virtuous, loyal and noble beings all – hearts like lions, ready with shiny crowns and slashing swords to leap into action at any Highland Games’ caber toss or into the sawdust labyrinth of the local woodworking warehouse.  Perhaps these guys stripped down to their tool belts and conducted drum circles in the deep woods.

I pictured this group, maybe like the members of the Possum Lodge, with sacred incantations to invoke the return of lumber.  Why they would be doing this instead of planting more trees was beyond me – but a picturesque idea nonetheless.  Perhaps they also gather to sing the famous “Lumberjack Song.” (“I’m a lumberjack, and I’m OK.  I sleep all night and I work all day.”)

As the shirt slowly thaws, finally one more letter of the motto has been revealed, partially obstructed by one of the many swords – this letter is an “s.”  So it is supposed to read “Blessed Slumber Returns.”  By which, I guess they mean if one conducts oneself in a loyal, noble and virtuous manner, one is gifted with a good night’s sleep.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I am going to sleep like a log tonight.